Girl, Why U Mad? Take charge of your anger and learn the secrets to live in peace.
Intro to a Girls’ Madness
One of the most revealing moments of my life occurred eight years ago during a quick run into the self-checkout line of a packed supermarket. There I stood a mother, wife, and overworked preachers’ kid in the twenty items or less lane with my then nine- and seven-year-old sons. I swiped my Visa debit card to pay for purchases. However, for some strange reason, I could not complete the transaction. I knew there were funds in my bank account since I got a paycheck that very morning. But the only message the register returned was one of these:
“Ask cashier for assistance.”
I swiped my card repeatedly with no success before I did as the machine instructed, I approached the attendant who stood at the very front of the checkout area and I said,
“Sir, the register is not working.”
The attendant made no eye contact before I could ask I could formerly ask for his assistance, he said,
“I’m not a cashier, follow the instructions.”
Well of course I was a bit puzzled, I considered he was the closest uniformed person, stationed in the check-out area, and of course he was there to help. I stood there for a moment. Then, I walked back to the register and asked God to make it work. Maybe I missed something, because hey - just maybe I missed something. So, I swiped my card again but only this time I paid extra attention to how I inserted the debit card.
I got the very same message,
“Ask cashier for assistance.”
I returned to the attendant,
“The register is telling me to see you for further assistance,” I said.
The attendant responded, “Not my problem.”
I at that point I had had it, so I said, “Well you’re pretty much useless.”
I spent another ten seconds to explain that I could not proceed with the transaction without his help, that did go anywhere because after a few seconds of refusal, he finally admitted what he wanted to say all along,
“I’m not paid to do all that.”
By this point I was mad. Jesus was no longer on my mind nor in my radar. My immediate reaction, ATTACK!
That is the clean version. I conjured up a few impolite two letter words that began with F and ended with the letter U which made matters worse.
You see precious minutes had been wasted. I wanted to make my purchase and I wanted the attendant to do his job, like right at that moment. I rightfully deserved, help. I had already dragged my kids out to the grocery store and spent about an hour to collect just under twenty items. Does he not know kids and a grocery store do not mix? Someone must make the register work. The register must work -at that very moment, just for me…right? I needed relief. I wanted results right now. Let me ignore, I have two small children watching their mother communicate with an absolute stranger during a difficult moment. He and I continued a terrible screaming match that had my youngest son in tears. I used a lot of colorful words to stick a knife through the attendants’ heart. I saw red. A manager eventually came out of his office onto the floor and to make a long story short, the police arrived. The attendant was fired for his bad behavior, but I was not fired for mine.
I left the supermarket with a cart full of free food (as an apology from the store manager, thanks again mister) with anger towards the attendant but even more frustration with myself. How did I allow a person, a stranger I might add, to get me so upset that we screamed back and forth with one another which left my children afraid? The was the ultimate breakthrough. I felt responsible for my children’s fears. I did not protect them. I caused their pain. I vividly remember my eldest son later ask,
“Why U MAD mommy? Why can’t you talk softly?”
Talking about crawling under a rock, I wanted to crawl out of earth. I knew immediately why my son asked that question. My son was not old enough to say “Mom you are too loud, very rude, and mommy you’re angry too” but I knew what my nine-year old meant.
The attendant was obviously wrong to speak to me in the manner that he did since I was a customer. He refused to assist me. I, however, had fault too. My reaction to his bad behavior made me an equal culprit. My hands were not clean.. It was not the first time my son heard me shout when angry. I used expletive language that would embarrass even the most vulgar person. You see my sons’ question forced me to reevaluate me and my crazy. The crazy thing was up until that point I did not know I was mad. I knew I was involved in a lot of drama, but I did not know I was a mad woman. But I was triggered. Yes, I was triggered very easily. But I knew I was the familiar face in all the shouting episodes. Like the time I was screaming obscenities at the slow driver because I was in a rush behind the wheel of my car. How about the cashier at the Wendy’s drive through who failed to greet me as I drove up so I gave her attitude just so she could respond in a negative manner than I could spaz out (go crazy) on her. That is folks, madness. And what about when my husband failed to rub my six-month pregnant fat feet after a long day at work, so I kindly walked into our bedroom where he lay watching TV and threw the 50-inch television off the stand. Side bar- People, I was pregnant, that was hormones, I think. Speaking of pregnancy, I attacked, yes, I physically attacked a woman after she dismissed my request to play age-appropriate music at a teen party. How ridiculous was I? I slashed tires, broke glass, and was downright mean when provoked.
Let me come back to this thought, I attacked a woman at a teen party for inappropriate music.
I physically assaulted relatives while not pregnant and said very unkind words in the name of superiority.
"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but
The Lord weighs the heart."
I was the last word woman.
We all know a last word woman, or you are that person. The last word woman is a woman who must have a final commentary in an argument or any contentious debate- just because she wants to win the argument. The idea is to “finish you off” sentiment. It’s no different from a check mate during a chess game or the winning shot of a final four basketball game. I had to have the final say, the very last word in every argument. Period. Since I was that last word woman, somehow, I had convinced myself people attacked me for no good reason. I had to respond to any negative feedback even when I was not in the right. I wanted to “stick it” to whoever crossed me. Everyone else was rude and I was the target, poor me. I lost my cool many times but that day for sure was at its’ worst, it was the worst because I caused my children hurt.
I could cut a person down with my tongue when there was an ounce of me being triggered. I was unapologetically mean and vulgar when pushed-or brushed. Mad people hurt people. Hurt people hurt people. But the madness I struggled with went beyond normal behavior. There was always a need for revenge. The anger exceeded all level of crazy. I hurt people I loved and usually felt awful about it afterwards. Often, I was very upset and embarrassed with myself, but I would end up blaming others for my actions. Let me be clear, these are not positive things about myself but for sure it was a revelation.
That very day I knew I had work to do. I did not like the person I was. But finding a cure was impossible. How do I fix a thirty-six-year-old wife and mother with a bad attitude? I attended church, prayed, fasted, and did all the meditating in the world but once faced with an uncomfortable situation it would all go out the door. But it did not take long after the supermarket incident for me to develop in my mind tactics to inject less of me and more of connecting something greater than myself. You see, things could not work for me because I did not like the person I was, how I behaved and of course I knew I could not trust myself. I reflected on powerful messages, biblical messages, prayer, and reflect on things that uplift me. No one could have changed the way the attendant responded that day. But I could control the way I did. So, I set myself on a path to understand why I was triggered by my violent responses. I wanted to know why I responded in such an awful way. I love my children. If it took breaking me to help them, I was willing to do it. So, since you elected to read this book, you may have had one too many supermarket moments. You are a woman, a daughter, maybe a mother, a sister, a friend, single, married, too busy, or maybe not. You may consider yourself successful or maybe not, comfortable or maybe not, overwhelmed, underpaid, overworked, unappreciated, uninspired, and or all in between who struggle with the madness day to day. You want to address it. I am calling you out you mad woman. You deserve a second look because your condition does not work for you or anyone who experience you. Have you had one too many outbursts? If I had to guess you are not seeing the “best” you in real form.
Hey, I am not a psychiatrist nor am I a licensed therapist. In fact, this book is my personal journey to taking charge of my anger and finding peace in the very simplest way. My journey completed in seven days but my commitment to this would last much longer. If you are struggling with your mad, or struggling to release frustration, you can achieve the unachievable plague of madness, with simple steps. This book will teach you ways to face your mad, how to respond to hard things and to how experience hard people, it won’t come from you. My hope is to help you to dig deep because God gives us the ability to do it and to do it better than we can imagine.
Here’s what I know about me: I am a loyal, loving, driven and an understanding person. But as loyal as I am I also can become a very mean, cold. All in a milli-second. I realized I needed to change. To do so I had to tune out my own emotions and channel in what the bible said about me. My hope is this book would help to rid you of unnecessary fights and move you upwards because there lies within us greatness. Knowing this, you find self-love, patience and an internal peace that leads to satisfying relationships. You will learn about my journey and techniques I used to find my center. You will read some of my own real-life experiences, real issues, real consequences that taught me how to grow. You will learn about anger and ways it affects your day-to-day life. You see, life experiences teach us. I cancelled my peace to go gun for his. To be crystal clear, we all know there are people that will work your very last nerve for no good reason. There are people placed on earth to find all your wrongs and hate you for your right. We all know at times people can do all the wrong things to give you a good reason to lose your cool. That my friend, will not change. The point of this book is for you to be able to walk upright, chin up, shoulders broad, and your head perked throughout a highly stressful situation. You should be able to walk away from a tense situation knowing respectfully that you could avoid choking another human being who struck accord. You walk away with clean hands, class and dignity. Listen, I get it, folks will test you, they will pull ugly out, and then you end up with the ugly shame cry later. But that incident made me realize that I was doing harm, no good for myself. My level of madness had trickled to my babies. What example was I setting for my kids?
Do you feel guilty about not responding like a “normal” person would? Normal people right – who are they? Everyone has a trigger point, but it is important to know that the bible says in
Proverbs 15 vs 18 “ a hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel”.
Triggers are likely to cause more disturbance.
Proverbs 20 vs 3 “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel”.
You are no fool. Because you are embarrassed by your response suggests you are ready. Do you struggle for calm words in a debate? Do you debate when there is none? Do you struggle to respond in less aggressive way? Or are you accused often of being aggressive? Do you create friction just for the hell of it? Are you unsure of how to pick yourself back up? Are you ready to break free?
Do you want to stop feeling guilty about the way you behaved? Are you prepared to keep triggers at bay when an idiot does not respond the way they should? Do you get mad when faced with emotionally difficult situations? Or you too can kill someone with your words? So, it sounds like you are ready to end the burning pain in your chest (it is not heartburn either). If you are mad and you don’t know how to turn it off, you can change how you respond by following these steps. Do you want to come out on top? Psst, it will not be easy. In fact, this seven-day challenge will be a lifetime one. Because the next seven days is guaranteed to bring you to tears, fears and your truth. When faced with the hard facts you can make a change. But hey, let’s be honest, you and I both know, being mad blocks, your God given right to live in peace. Peace is necessary for a fulfilling life. Do you want to start living? I challenge you to be honest with yourself and start the greatest aspect of life, living in God’s presence, in His peace. Now push.
.jpg)
